Husband Wife

Doc: Your husband needs some peace of mind & relaxation. Here are some sleeping tablets.
Wife: When should I give him?
Doc: These tablets are for you.

....

Hubby: Lets not pick up a quarrel. Lets discuss the issue sensibly.
Wife:No... everytime we discuss an issue sensibly, I lose!

...

Woman on African Safari has torrid sexx wid large native.
She asks his name.
He:Snow.
She laughs: My husband will never believe I enjoyed 12 inches of snow in Africa.

...

Man: I am sad to inform you that your wife ran away with your driver.
Second man: No problem, I know driving...

...

Advocate: Talak karane ke 5001 rupya lagega.
Husband: pagal ho. Panditji ne 51 rupee mein shaadi krayi thi.
Advocate: dekh liya na SASTE KA NATIJA.

...

Santa to Banta: 10 yrs ago when I used to return home, my dog used to GREET me by BARKING, and WIFE by KISSING.
Now they have reversed their roles.

...

Adult Jokes

Two gays got into a heated argument,
when one of them said angrily - "kiss my ass".
The other one replied, "this is no time to be romantic".

...

Do you know how did Mallika get a huge
set of Boobs?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Exactly...
Aise Hi...
daba daba ke!!

...

Grandson: Grandpa, why are u sitting out in cold air without your pants?
Grandpa : Without my shirt, I had a stiff neck yesterday.
This is your grandma's idea!

...

Man - "May I offer u a whiskey?"
Woman - "No, whiskey is bad for my legs"
Man -"Legs? Oh what happens? Do they pain or swell?"
Woman - No, they spread...!"

...

One universal truth,
when girls wear tight jeans,
neither they are comfortable,
nor boys are...

...

3 grls walking on the road. Parrot shouts RED GREEN PINK
Grls know that its their panty color.
Next day they don't wear panties. Parrot shouts TRIM SHAVE CURLY...

...

What is the similarity between doing sexx and doing surgery?

Skill is more important than the instruments.

...

Russian - sir, we got a very large order from Americans for 16" condoms.
I think it is to embrass us.
Boss:No problem, complete the order and mark SMALL SIZE.

...

The problem is that god has given men a brain and a pennis.
But he provides enough blood to run one at a time.

...

Diff between wife and neighbours wife-
Wife is like chocolate. Can have anytime.
Neighbours wife is like ice cream.
Should have immediately.

...

Why do women wear underwear?
.
.
.
.
.
Bcz the law states that all manholes must be covered, when not in use!.

...

Obscene phone caller: Hello baby, if u can guess what is in my hand, i'll ley u have it.
Aunt: Listen, if u can hold it in one hand then I am not interested.

For Special Friends

What is real but invisible?
ur care.
What is true but unfair?
ur absence.
What is sweet but naughty?
ur smile.
What is precious but priceless?
YOU my dear.

...

PAGAL ki 4 nishaniya

1- Right hand me mobile pakadna

2- Anguthe se botton dabana

3-msg pad ke muskrana

4- phir sochna, kisko send karu?

...

I met god in my dreams n thanked him

for gidting me a frnd like u.

but god said" ISME THANX KI KYA BAAT HAI,

YEH TO TUMHARE PICHHLE JANMO K

PAAPON KA PHAL HAI...

...

Roz subah main uth kar bhagwan se yahi dua

karta hun ki tumharejaisa dost sabhi ko de.

.

.

aakhir ye saza main akele hi kyoun bhugtu...!

...

KBC mein SHAHRUKH ne mujhse puchha :

"duniya mein aisa kaun hai jo kabhi nahi nahata?"

Khuda kasam 2 crore thukra diye

magar tumhara naam nahi liya.

...

aashiq puchhe RAB nu

Tu jag nu PYAR da vairy kyon bana ditta?

RAB hassya te bolya

Tusi kehra mere naal changi kiti

Tusi ta YAAR nu hio RAb bana ditta...

...

Morning is a wonderful opportunity..

..2 refresh

..2 pray

..2 smile

..and to think of wonderful people

like u.

Good Morning.

...

'Good looks catches the eyes but

good catches the heart'.

U R blessed with both.

Don't say thanx. Dis msg was sent

2 me by someone.

I just wanted u 2 read it.
...

Night has gone and the moon too.

sun has arrived with the sky blue.

Open ur beautiful eyes, there is a SMS

for u.

Good morning.

...

Go down to see my heart.

DekhaKitna saaf hai mera dil!

Bole to ekdum tumhare..

DIMAGH jaisa...!

...

Zindagi kitni pyaari hogi

jab

Aap honge

Hum honge

Aur

Hamare

Chotey chotey

Pyare pyare

Shararati

"SMS" honge.

...

Joke of the Day

Gabbar - "Ghagra utha Basanti..."
VEERU - " nahi Basanti, in kutton
ko apni chaddi mat dikhana"
BASANTI - "daro mat VEERU, maine
aaj chaddi hi nahi pahni.....!!!!"

Really Hilarious

Doctor implants a new ear on a man.
man - "U fraud, U gave me a woman's ear"
Doc - "it makes no difference"
Man - "it does, now hear everything
but undrstand nothing.

...

Banta screws a prostitute, goes under bed, comes out
from other side, screws her again. Repeats five times.
Impressed, She looks under the bed and finds five sardars.

...

Year 2020 AD
Mom angerily to her KG Kid
"I told you so many times, U were born,
not DOWNLOADED."

...

Santa went to hospital for advice on family planning.
Saw notice on entrance, "For family Planning, USE REAR ENTRY"
He went back home and lived happily thereafter.

...

A female police officer to a drunk man -
"U R under arrest, anything u say, can & will be held against u,
do u want to say anything?"
Drunk : "nice boobs!"

...

Whats the difference between bra, panty and insurance?
.
.
.
.
.
Think
.
.
.
.
.
they all provide
minimum cover
.
.
.
.
.
to maximum
risk areas..!!

...


One woman to another -
MEN ARE LIKE RAIN
YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN
THEY'RE COMING,
HOW MANY INCHES U WILL GET,
&
HOW LONG IT WILL LAST.

...

Parsi - "At my funeral, I want u to pour a
bottle of irish whiskey over my body..."
Sardar - "sure, but would you mind if i
filter it through my kidneys first..."

...

Viagara now available in powder form
to be put in tea.............................
Does nothing to Erections but stops
ur biscuits from going soft.
Enjoy your tea!!

Hilarious

Who is a psychiatrist?
A person who gives you an
expensive analysis about you,
which..............
your SPOUSE..........
gives............
free anyway.........

...

The stock mrkets are now like an old man's di*k.
JUST REFUSING TO RISE.
Irony is that everybody is still getting f**ked!

...

Do you know why the spelling of women start with 'W'?
Because all questions in the world start with 'W'..
Such as - Why? What? When? Whom? Where? Who...o?

...

Written on a board in the church, "God Never fails"
Somebody wrote below it, "Let him trade in NIFTY FUTURE..!"

...

Teacher, "What do u call a person who cannot hear"
Sardar, "u call him anything, bcz he cannot hear!"

...

Definition of a wife:
A person who will ask you a question, answer it herself,
and then say, "you are wrong".

...

sardarni came last in breast stroke swimming competition.
She said -" i dont want to complain but i think other
ladies were using their arms."

...

Girl told her engagement plans.
Father - "does this fellow have any money?"
Girl - "oh! dad, u men r alike, thats exactly what he
asked me about you".

...

Height of language misuse...
Microbiology professor says-
"there are 8 sexually transmitted diseases.
U will get atleast one in the exam!!!"

...

If,
1=5
2=25
3=125
4=625
5=???



Think bfr scrolling down...



Ans is 1

remember d first line


don't complicate simple things.
...

desi jokes

1 marwadi 14th floor se neeche gira.
Girte waqt usne apne ghar ki khidki se
apni wife ko roti pakate dekha to chilla ke bola,
'MERI ROTI MAT PAKANA'...

...

Advocate - Talaak karvane ke 5001 rupee lgenge.
Husb - Pagal ho, pandit ji ne to 51 rupaye mein shaadi krayi thi.
Advocate - dekh liya na SASTE KA NATIJA.

...

Sharabi ek sadhu se takra gya.
Sadhu - Ae murakh, main tujhe shrap deta hoon.
Sharabi - Ruk jao maharaj
main GLASS le ke aata hoon...

...

Friends are like Asian Paints 'dunya badal de'.
Girlfriends are like Everest masale 'taste me best'.
But wife is like mosquito coil 'dhoond dhoond ke maregi'.

...

Vodaphone walon ka kutta aaj subah hi chal basa.
HUTCH ki yad main - ab wo bandar se ad
karwana chahte hain.
Tujhe meri dosti ki kasam - kahin chhup ja---.

...

Mumy: beta q ro rahe ho?
Beta: papa ne mujhe kissi nahi di.
Mumy: beta aap ne papa ko tables nahi sunaye honge
Beta : kaamwali ko konse tables aate hain...

...

99 saal ke bad 1 aadmi swarag ki ronak aur
APSARA dekh kar bola, " ye RAMDEV BABA ke aur
unke PRANAYAM ke CHAKKAR me na pada hota
to yahan pehle hi aa gaya hota..

...